Have you ever wondered who am I? What is my purpose in life? Will good things ever happen to me. Before discussing that any further I want to start by sharing some personal experiences that really shaped who I am today. First of all, when I was only a child living with my birth mother and dad I was witness of many things no child should ever see. My birth mother was unfaithful to my dad multiple times, abused him physically and verbally. My dad took that abuse for many years all because he didn’t want to leave me alone. It wasn’t until a time were he decided to file a divorce because he couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted to take me with him but knew I would suffer being without my mother, so he left me with my maternal grandmother and mother. Shortly after that my birth mother would disappear for months to be with different men and I was left with my grandmother to raise me during that time. I felt mostly abandoned by my mother I would cry at nights especially when I was sick I would call her name because at that time she was the only one who brought me comfort.
At nine years old I received a call from my father he asked if I wanted to go live with him in Puerto Rico I didn’t hesitate and I said yes. He had a wife that I know call my mother, she was there since the moment I arrived at Puerto Rico and till this day she took me as her own. When I arrived to Puerto Rico I was expecting my father to fill that void of love, but at that time he was dealing with his own emotional situations. Even though I knew he loved me with all his heart he didn’t know how to express it. My stepmother who I know call mother was there through it all in a way she gave me that love I so anxiously needed. Through this process she would always take me to church (let me add I have been assiting to church all my life just before moving I was a member of an adventist church) With her I started to assist to an evangelist church were a grew up in.
When I felt sad or unloved she would always talk about God, would pray, and read the bible. Let me also add my paternal grandmother played an important role, she would also give me that love and care, I was basically at her house everyday. You must know how much I used to eat. Ok, back to the story so through those hard times I started to receive the love of God in my heart and he started to heal all those scars the past have left. Even though I still didn’t understand why my birth mother practically abandoned me I knew God had a purpose in my life. I continued to go to church and God started to reveal more and more about who I was. God talked through many prophets saying how I was chosen. Saying how all I went through was on purpose to shape who I am. Saying I had a calling to pray, to preach his word, to dance, to sing and many more things I still doubt myself on.
Even my husband was placed by God, when only thirteen years old God talked through a prophet and told me he already had my other half. God said he would treat me like princess but most of all would love him. God also told me to be aware of many that would come claiming they were the one. It is true I had various relationships that wanted me to steer away from my true purpose. Until I found my husband and we just knew it was meant to be. A couple of months before I got married through a powerful prayer between my mother, dad, and me. God did a miracle with me and my dads relationship, shortly after that my father started showing affection, love, and he said how I would always be his little girl.
A while after since my husband joined the army we left to Fort Irwin, California to live in the states for the first time. Even though I was with no family in California God never left my side he continued to work with me and our household. A month after leaving to Cali I found out I was pregnant you must imagine our excitement. It was until I was 29 weeks when I found out my father past away due to medical conditions. You must imagine how my heart broke in tiny little pieces. He wasn’t able to see his first and only grandaughter and I thought to my self that after our relationship was finally great he left to be with God.
Even though I was pregnant I still went to my fathers funeral but through it all God gave me the strength. At times I can’t believe he is no longer here I role play in my mind how would it be seeing her with my father. How would it be hugging and kissing him at least for the last time. Through the midst of it all, I still had my husband and daughter who was on the way. After that horrible situation I was able to see Gods hand, how he filled that void with my the arrival of my daughter. Months before my father passed away when we told him we were expecting a girl. The day after he went to the stores and bought her many things. He sent us a lot of money so we could buy her all her things including the crib. Lets just say he did more for her than anyone alive has ever done and I will always cherish how he gave it all for her. Lets just say she represents him in a way especially in her resemblance.
That being said maybe you had a life similar to mine or perhaps had worse situations. What ever it may be know God has a purpose in your life, know you are not alone and if you look for him he will show you the way and who you truly are. Till this day I still struggle with especially my character but Im certain God will little by little take me to that place I need to be. He is still steering me into the right direction but Im certain I will get there with his help. Just recently we PCS to Oahu, Hawaii and even though we are still away from family God is our everything. He placed us here with a purpose and I have no doubt we will achieve great things.
If at this time you are trying to find yourself or perhaps don’t know Gods plan in you life let me tell you. You are daughter and son of an almighty God, you are chosen because you are alive. You have all it takes to succeed and go through the different situations, you are loved, you are important, you are special, you are wonderful, you are worth it, you are unique, you are valuable, you mean everything to God even if you don’t feel worthy. Know that if you look for him and his presence you will begin to know who you are, what is your purpose and will know good things will start happening.
PS: I promise theres going to be happier post ❤